The Hidden Blessings

Hidden blessings. Wait. What? How could this disease possibly have any blessings? Well, the disease itself doesn't. However, some of the changes it causes are. How? Probably the most important thing for me.  I know who my friends are. Drama and fake friends are not needed in my life and are quickly weeded out. This can be one of the harder things about scleroderma at first. The loss of friends when you get diagnosed. Well I'm here to tell you that it gets better. Way better. I know who I can call now to talk to. Some of my best friends are old friends. Old friends from highschool kind of old. They don't treat you differently unless they have to. I mentioned the friend who forced me to go to the ER in my post on my diagnosis. To this day we have a running joke about "ass candy" because he was there when I was trying to get the worst of those symptoms under control and was aware I was having to use suppositories and enemas almost daily. He made me laugh about it. At the lowest I've ever been he made me laugh. That matters.



New interests. I had to give up a lot of physical interests due to my scleroderma. Camping, skiing, basketball, baseball, whitewater canoeing (one of my greatest passions), tobogganing, pretty much any winter activity or activity at all that depends on your hands. That left a lot of time on my hands. I turned to books. I read ALOT as a child. That went away as I turned into an angsty teen and discovered tv, music, friends drugs and alcohol. I went back to books and developed a new passion. Find a new hobby or interest to fill your time.

Self-evaluation. Free time equals a lot more time thinking. And thinking. And fretting and worrying etc. Use that time to develop yourself. Don't like something about your personality? Take the time to evaluate why you are that way. What you can do to change it? Do you need to change it? Our bodies may not allow us to explore things physically. Strengthen your mind and will.

Stupidity. Ok so this one might take a little to explain and may only apply to those young'uns among us. I mentioned in my post that I was a rough looking guy when I was younger. I was on the border of a good person going bad. Then I got sick. I just couldn't be bad anymore. It probably saved me in ways I'm not aware of and things I am aware of. I liked to party. A lot. I was on the road to becoming an alcoholic or an addict. I was also on the road to jail. I was doing dumber and dumber things. Scleroderma changed all that and got me back on track to being a productive member of society.

Empathy. I was a self involved asshole when I got diagnosed. Didn't really care about anyone or anything. That was something that changed as well. I now understood the plight of others a bit more clearly. I could sympathize with an arthritic 80 year old. I could sympathize with the 16 year old with crohnes disease. It turned me into a better person with a greater understanding of some of the darker aspects of the human condition.

Romance. Ok so this is a big one for me and something I plan to cover separately on its own in a different post. However it also applies in this post. Romantic relationships were deeper. Less involved with the surface and more involved with building a connection between myself and another person. Yes there were physical attractions but being aware that your health will decline opens you to ideas you might not have been previously. A warm heart can be sexier then any teddy and thong.

Self deprecation. The last one to mention for this brief post and one of the more important things for myself. I learned to laugh at myself. I was never a vain person but I was a prideful person and still am to some extent but now it's more a stubborn pride. I REFUSE TO LET THIS BEER BOTTLE BEST ME!! I WILL OPEN THE TWIST OFF CAP EVEN IF IT MEANS THE PAIN IN MY HAND MAKES ME CRY! That's how I am now. I mentioned my old friend and our running joke on "ass candy". He did a lot to help me access that part of me. I learned to laugh at the noises my stomach and umm other noises that system produces. A friend would laugh and crack a joke. Oh you think that's bad? Here, smell it. Gross I know. But did you smile? That's what matters. Get over it and learn to laugh at it.

Look for the hidden blessings you might not have if it weren't for scleroderma. If it weren't for scleroderma I wouldn't be as close to my family as I am. I wouldn't have the friends I do. I'd most likely be an addict or in jail. I wouldn't be able to accept being told I couldn't do something or wasn't the best suited to do it. I wouldn't have had that lost love. Just because they're not obvious doesn't mean your life hasn't had changes for the better. Yeah I wouldn't have read Twilight if it weren't for scleroderma but I really can't hold that against the disease. That was my stupid choice.